FemFriday: Shading Correctly

This was written by my wife towards a former friend of hers. I am proud to post this, as it is an excellent example of the fact that strength is exclusively an individual pursuit, not a gendered one.

Use this as a template when righteous anger swells within you, and bridges must be cut:

” I took some time to reflect on last night’s “conversation” & it lead me to some conclusions.

If you scroll through our conversations, you’ll find that not once do you inquire about what/how I’m doing. Nothing about me. Hell, you’re not even using the energy to talk about yourself or anything you have accomplished. You’ve only managed to highlight the negativity [that you put a lot of unnecessary focus on] going on in your life, that you don’t seem to make much effort changing.

You appear out of nowhere with paragraphs describing how sorry your life is. The narrative that you have created for yourself, is that of a victim.

The subject matter that you speak on with the most clarity, is about [insert name here] and all the ways in which he does not respect you.

My role in your life now, as I stated over the phone when we made amends last month, will not be the same as it is was before.
I don’t think you took that seriously.

When you and I were friends, we had a shared level of immaturity that bonded us. We found comfort in complaining and making fun of others and feeling like we were better than the people were talking about. When in all actuality, we weren’t. At all.

The time I’ve spent away from that, I got to see clearly how much I wasn’t doing.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I started taking care of the things I could change, starting with how I felt about myself, my actions and how they affect others, and my blessings.

By the grace of God, I have a husband that has been keeping me accountable for when I wasn’t on my shit. The time and love he’s put into me and my well being, I’m able to hold myself to a higher standard without having to look to him to validate it.

I’m a musician. I drum regularly, I’ve picked up piano a few months ago. I’m working on arranging/producing my second project with my band. I’m writing new music. I’ve actually taught my first client two days ago, in person. A woman friend of [insert name here] reached out to him yesterday sending an employment opportunity MY way. Not his, for me.

I cook regularly for [insert name here] and myself, & vice versa. Whatever I do for him, he does for me tenfold. We put each other on to things on a daily basis. We talk regularly, fuck regularly, give each other massages, and speak positive affirmations to each other, defend each other in public and correct each other in private (when need be), constantly collaborating together because we really love, like and respect each other. We value each other and then we raise said value.
I honor all of that.

Now, I don’t know if you and [insert name here] have ever that type of bond once before, but it’s clearly not there now and that’s something that you should be discussing with him, not me.

You’re bragging about [this person’s] clout (which to be honest, you don’t even know for sure if he’s hyping it up or not, since you’re never around when any of these things happen) and you’ve spent all of this time not garnering any of your own. The things that you mention don’t even bring YOU happiness.

And if it did, you wouldn’t have such a defensive tone when you speak of him and whatever it is he’s doing.

Looking at [his/her] IG right now, it looks a single [father’s / mother’s] account.
[He/she] is not the first person in the world to be in the “industry” with someone who’s not known/famous. If/when people are actually in love, there is no hiding of the spouse. It doesn’t matter what you do. Especially if there is a child(ren) involved. If that was the case, he wouldn’t have [his/her child] on the internet.

I strongly suggest that you get a journal to express these feelings/thoughts that you have because using my phone as a means to shit-vent and not actually heed any of the advice myself and [my husband] have imparted on you, or acknowledge my efforts of accentuating the positive traits (I thought) you had, is a waste of my time, energy & storage space.
And trying to convince me that your man doesnt see you as a liability, is a waste of yours.

You were a die-hard yoga supporter for all of three days. You said you needed a week off, didn’t follow up for the next time you wanted to do yoga which, again I’m working around your schedule because I consider the fact that you are a mother. That week off that you needed, I was actually hype because it gave me time to type up lesson plans for you for our next Zoom call.

Notice that I consider what goes on in your life and you can’t seem to do the same for mine. For example, you thinking it’s ok to not communicate whether or not you need to break arrangements, fucking up my plans for that day, not even knowing or caring if I had important things to do that I could’ve been doing instead.

You say recommended a student to me which was laughable because you couldn’t even commit to a full week so why would I want to teach someone that more or less had the same discipline as you in that regard? You wanted to pay me for the classes. I told you to pay me in results…. and the results came up short.

Your man has it in his mind that you’re his baby-sitter/assistant, I can’t relate. You say your man makes you see yourself as a loser, I definitely can’t relate to that either.

I’m the savior, and you’re the one who constantly needs to be saved and when you do get saved, time and time again you prove why you don’t deserve the help. That was made very clear to me the day that [your s/o] was feeding his co-workers pots of food and could give three fucks whether or not you or [your child] ate for that day while you go do his laundry.

I say all that to say, it’s not in my best interest to keep you in my life if I’m willing to act more on your potential than you are. You’re suppose to be like a sister to me yet you don’t have any wisdom for me to trade with. You’ve been a mother for four years and yet it feels like I have much more to teach you than you could ever teach me, and that is concerning.

I’m saying all of this with love and I understand if your feelings are hurt but I would appreciate it if you took some time for yourself and got your life right.”

From a proud husband,


Feminine Maxims

A woman refines and polishes a man. It is his duty to make himself into steel.

Beauty and living in the moment is a woman’s monopoly. Those who are too serious or lacking in grace are defunct men. Dudettes.

The heavier the makeup and cosmetics (including surgery) the more likely its a tranny. Surfs up, dude.

Nourishment is a feminine power.

A woman that nourishes the inner romantic of her man will be a wealthy woman.

Study Pavlov if you feel all men are dogs. See the strength card Major Arcana featured above for inspiration.

Confident Men love confident Women, insecure men love insecure women. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Ask yourself what would Wonder woman say or do? The women of cosmo seldom inspire erections, and end up marrying themselves at 35. 😷🙃🤣



Mind Your Spelling

All have fears they wish to avoid, all have hopes they would like to turn into reality;

These may seem like different goals because of the wording, but by intentionally avoiding a fear, you lock it in your mind where it hijacks the host.

By hoping for a goal do you make it just that, a hope. Hope is for those who write out their goals only to forget them. Content with hope, thats what we attain.

The solution: embody the goal and you will always have the goal. Reverse engineering the goal from Z-A ensures a healthy balance of current state and near future ambition. Progress begets progress and voila.



Sex in sequence

Men are “if, then” creatures. Meaning that where you are in sequence to sex objectively, they anticipate the next step.

For example: If she’s half naked, we think she’s ready to fuck vs. If she is clothed modestly, then we wonder what she looks like naked 🤔

Unfortunately, most women fail to communicate their willingness effectively. Men fail too, in being capable of escalating respectively and effectively.



Illness has Intelligence

Mortal beings with eyes and faces are often regarded as the ONLY things with consciousness. Sickness has an intelligence and a survival instinct, too. It highjacks it’s host to further it’s agenda. Hence why smokers billow out clouds of smoke and scatter the shells of cigarettes about like seeds of destruction.

Sensing it’s demise, the illness makes the host sick when it loses it’s control or grip on the host. You know this better as withdrawal.

Energy and spirits are real, though more simple and mundane in occurrence, their dynamics are subtle and well designed, existing without our input.

What a wonderful jungle we play in!



A Man’s Submission

A Man’s Submission is rarely discussed or conceived because it is:

1. seldom executed

2. hard to execute

3. Rarely inspired.

It is a net loss on his part, and a big gain for his tribe. A Man’s submission is sacrificial.

A “man” for that matter, is even more rare. Most men, in times of yore or presently, are avoidant, apologetic, or too agreeable. They are not bastions of boldness, nor a phallic symbol. They are limp dicks and spinless cowards.

Some may SEEM overly-masculine, but they are in fact hyper-feminine, over-compensating, and scared, like a lesbian. These men are likely gay. They have no discipline, no solidity. Defeated men who have no campaign to fight for. They are the envy of none, and the pride of no household.

To wit, being a man means doing hard things, past the point of the desire or energy to do them, because duty calls. We used to take pride in these tasks. Those things are as follows.

1. Protection – physical

* When an intruder comes into the house or the personal space of his family, the man puts his health and safety on the line to facilitate the family’s safety. Despite being afraid, sometimes as much as his family, he has no space to cower and hide. This duty is unending, but this duty is his.

2. Protection – psychological

* Women know the truth, deep down, but they trust it from authorities more than they do themselves. Should that leader be HER man, she will regard his word as gospel. She seeks out his validation and reassurance. She will resist and rebel against all forms of accountability, but when the iron fist and velvet glove of a man guides her, it is the proverbial father holding the hand of a brittle child in a world built for toil and trouble. Reluctant but grateful, she concedes.

3. Discipline

* There are times when a woman knows she is out of line, or acting/sounding “crazy” but cannot stop herself. These are the situations where a woman falls in love with a man. If he can stand up to her acidic onslaught and set her straight without being abusive, he earns a certain part of her heart. Coupled with consistent good dick and hilarity, this earns the title of “daddy.” The one who guides her past a fork in the road to the thing she needs and wants.

* Despite all of the actions above, he will seldom get sympathy or rest, for the high performing man is in high demand. It is not his job to seek sympathy, but glory. If he needs rest, he takes it. Since the leader is the one who is rich enough to sacrifice the most, he should do so joyfully.

The only time a man should abstain from being THE man, is when the first signs of being taken for granted show. Put down your tools and refuse to continue, because this first inch given will turn to a mile if you continue.

But if your family loves you, adorn them with your masculinity. Build them, guide them, lead them, lest they perish and decay. With an unhappy man or inept man at the helm, the family fails. A gallant man knows this, and shares with pride!



The Crucible: Commitment

Commitment is the crucible, where the false self goes to die

* Many illusions of who we are and what we will tolerate stand uncontested until we invest in a lover, a business partner, or a friend. As long as the relationship is desired and endures, the ugly will come. Projection, vulnerability, jealously, are all found here.

* Being promiscuous offers little investigation into what is wrong or could go wrong, with ourselves or our lovers. It certainly doesn’t keep score or receipts. Relationships are a mirror, and often, our lack of commitment makes our self-esteem distorted, rendering us blind.

* True, we have blind spots , but we also have a basement that harbors vehement reactions to hurt. At times, they operate independently and contrary to our intentions and the rhythm we know as our “ego.” How often do we say “that was so unlike me,” only for it to be a link in a reoccurring chain?

* The free-love way leaves enough time and space for the best foot forward to be placed and viewed. It is not a footstep towards the other, or in any direction with purpose. It is fun, not function. Take the road long enough and you find a dead end that is tired of traveling for no reason, wanting a path more meaningful. While some are lost or bored, most want a home, a destination.

The perspective you get from traveling far and wide adds to the mastery required when delving deeper.

Promiscuity for the dilettante, monogamy for the realist.



Bad vs. Incorrect

Manipulation in love is an asset, but in fear, it is a liability.

* Each interaction without tactic is irresponsible at best, but definitely grounds for destruction. Though it may feel natural to be without guile, charm and ease are supernatural; We are not naturally lovable or valued

* As such, we have a fork in the road: Manipulate in fear of an outcome vs. Manipulate to facilitate an outcome.

* Ironically, most outright power-grabs and abuses of power are done as a knee-jerk reaction to the lack of power (a comfort and discipline of chaos), thus, destroying the possibility of more power. “Why did I do that’s?” soon follow. A bad player on the world’s stage is a reactor, rather than an actor, a player. See the parallels? (i.e possessiveness and jealousy, neediness, etc)

*Accordingly, I conclude that its not the lack of management, but poor management, that render good relations into ruined relations. Its not that manipulation is bad, but that most manipulators are incompetent and incorrect: Incorrect tactics or no tactics, the results are the same.

Remember: Kimmuriel says that the highest form of manipulation is self-manipulation, seduction and happiness are self-induced contagions. When the recipe is mastered, then and only then do we open up the doors in our soul for a palace worth of gems and riches to reside. We become fulfilled and then can bestow our richness unto others.

In space and in time,